Sober October - Day 8

Monday, October 8, 2018


I survived the weekend! Despite the confirmation of Kavanaugh, I did well on Saturday. I had a difficult hour yesterday, but powered through and BAM! Day 7 in the books. I’m pretty proud of myself. I did try alcohol-free wine and it was disgusting. Ew. Don't try this at home.

I haven’t had time to be productive at all last week because the boys took all my time -which is not a bad thing, but really hampered any attempt at self-care. I’m hoping to have a bit of that this week because I need a lot of time to think and plan and write. That’s what I need right this minute. I also realized that my best time to think is early evening, which is not great since it’s the time the boys need me the most -for bath and bed time. I’m usually “free” by 9 and by that time I’m not that inspired. But I’ll try to focus from 915-10 and see how much I can get done. I won’t pick up a book, I’ll instead pick up my laptop and my journals (yes, plurals) and GO.

I’m excited about this -a given and intentional time to put my thoughts on paper and into action. I really need that right now. I’ve been stagnant for too long and that’s really made my depression and self-loathing worse. I know that, as cliché and boring as it sounds, I’m completely afraid of failure, which has led me to be quiet and happy with my routine, but I have come to a point where movement is needed. I don’t know how to bypass my fear of failure yet -I can feel it in my gut, this fear. If you have ideas, I’d love to hear them! In the meantime, baby steps.

Onward!

2 comments:

  1. I feel like the fear of failure comes in waves. Some days it's stronger than others. I wish I had the answer to that question. Sometimes exercise or a nice long walk listening to music dulls out the noise of failure. Sometimes reading or vegging with Netflix. Sometimes having a dinner or night out with friends. Sometimes I just need a 'me' afternoon where I get some spa treatments, or do absolutely nothing. And other times, I just have a solid pity party, have a good cry, and get back up again because I have no other choice and a family that depends on me. The great thing is, I KNOW you, and know you're not a failure. Not in the eyes of God, your husband, your boys, your friends, or your co-workers. So there's that! <3

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  2. <3 <3 Thank you! I usually drink wine and watch Netflix but it's not a possibility this month obviously. I'll take a page of your book and do what you suggest (spa treatment? Yes please!)

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